Ever attended a relationship seminar where participants were given the opportunity to ask questions? One of the questions you will most likely hear is ‘ how do I know he/she is the right one for me?’ To be sincere, I can’t think of one straight answer to this, there are many questions you need answers to, many points to consider, but let me just mention one, just one of them.
How complete are you without this person? And how complete is this special person without you? I said that because it is a two-way thing. I mean, one mistake we often make is focusing on our own feelings while we ignore the other person’s. You meet this new person, you have an incredible connection, you love him to the moon and back, you want to get to know him, you enjoy his company so much that every moment away from him is like a torture, so you go all out to make it work; you begin to invest emotionally, financially and in other ways… That sounds like what you have been doing right? Now, it’s about time you take a pause, yes! Press the pause button; I didn’t say stop, just pause, now ask yourself, “Is this person fully with me in this ‘magical moment’ or am I on my own?” your truthful answer will determine the next button to press…whether Stop or Play (me I am not there o, you decide for you lol).
Oh yes! I digressed; let me go back to the main gist. Can you be true to yourself and ask this question? How complete are you without this person? And from this sweet person’s attitude, how complete do you think she will be without you? Answer this, and you will settle the issue of ‘Need’.
Let’s go to the book of beginning – Genesis. Adam was obviously living his life, fulfilling his responsibilities and duties when God beheld him and concluded in His heart that Adam should not be alone. Now, was Adam whole? Yes, was He complete? We can say yes too, but was he in need of a companion? Big yes! So what happened? God did not form a companion for Adam from the ground, He made Adam sleep and took out of what was Adam’s to make the woman, from that time, the male-man became incomplete; a part has been taken out and it is, therefore, his duty to seek for that part which was taken out. Same goes for the female-man too, she was created a part, a part that is to join with the other part and be made whole “…The two shall be one”.
It is not good for a man (male and female) to be alone, but the man cannot stay or be with just anyone, the man cannot be satisfied with just anyone, but on the other hand, no rational man or woman in her right mind will throw away that which makes him or her whole and complete, but what if such happens? People mess up and throw away gold to pick stones, they throw away the one who makes them whole for things that are ephemeral but believe me, no one does that and doesn’t live to regret it.
Before I digress again, let me reiterate, have you passed the test of ‘completeness’? So, how do I know this person makes me complete?
1.. Pray: Yes, I am being truthful, not being too spiritual; except you are an atheist, I will urge you to pray. I know the place of prayer has been grossly abused in relationship issues, but no one throws the baby away with the bathwater…right? So pray, commit things to the hands of God and let Him see you through. Some pray just so they could see visions or dreams about who they should marry, but is that right? God may decide to speak that way, but that should not be the sole purpose of prayer. It may be when you pray and involve God that your eyes will be opened to see the true nature of who you are dealing with, I don’t mean through visions. Prayer will help you see things you ordinarily cannot see, it gives you perspectives, help you cope with situations and you will marvel at your wisdom. You can’t walk with God and miss your way, He is Light.
2. Be Active and Deliberate: A lot of people, especially some Christians are guilty of this. You meet this nice person, you guys clicked, after the wooing and booing, (please doesn’t check your dictionary. Lol) you guys are now together. After the excitement stage, what do you do next? Put the relationship on autopilot and expect your ‘body language’ to do the rest? Time to wake up, love is not a magic or better put, love cannot be sustained by magic. You have to work, put in some efforts to make things work out. One of such efforts is getting involved in each other’s life.
3. Will He Fit Into The Future You? You need to know that we are all evolving, there are things we will do later in life that we are not even aware of presently, but then, there are always traces. This brings us back to the issue of praying and involving God, He knows the end from the beginning. I have seen people who hate politics but carries the traits of a politician so I won’t be shocked if such persons drop their present pursuit to go into politics in the future. The point is, courtship is the time to know, to discover and gain insight. Ask yourself, will I be happy and complete to join this person in this venture(s) for the rest of my life? Looking at my life at the moment, together with the type of life I hope to live, that is my purpose and pursuit, added to the current life of this person and his potentials, purpose and pursuit, will there be wholeness or completeness? If this is not critically addressed, the two may become one, but not a wholesome one. And we all want fulfilment and satisfaction right?
There are more questions to ask, but I sense I should take a pause here. For the regular readers and followers of this blog, I promise more tips as we learn together. But I hope I won’t be doing the sharing alone, so don’t forget to drop your thoughts in the comment box below.