Single Parent: 3 Points to Note Before Taking a Lover home
What do you think to make single parents different from other singles? That word ‘parent’ makes all the difference to me. Being a parent is one of the greatest responsibilities out there, to be a parent means you are responsible to your child, children in some cases, this means you can no longer think about yourself alone when making some decisions.
A single parent, of course, will consider the child/children before going into a relationship, but more than this is another important decision to make, when should you introduce your lover to your child/children? I am sure you will want to prevent awkward situations, situations that will leave your kid(s) confused about what is happening. ‘Last month, mummy was with Uncle Ken, but this week, Uncle Ben is the one taking mummy out and buying us gifts’. This type of confusion can leave terrible marks on a young mind, it can alter how they see you, see live and relationships, so you may want to consider some of these points to prevent such situations.
1. Why are you not with their father/mother? – You may need to make your child understand this, especially if the child is old enough to understand some basic things about life. It is normal for children being raised by a single parent to wish that their parents should come back together, hence the need for you to convince your kid(s) that may not happen in order to prevent unnecessary drama.
2. Be sure your lover is totally okay with your status: Some children are very sensitive therefore it is important to be sure your partner is ok with your status as a single parent. Ask yourself, will she truly accept my child or is she just tagging along because she loves me and she sees my child as a ‘baggage’, one she must accept if she wants to be with me? Some people actually do not see any big deal in being with a single parent, but to some, it is the biggest deal, you need to be sure you are not dating one of the former. This is what may happen if your child is a sensitive one, she may be able to detect that the aunty you just brought home doesn’t like her, this type of feeling is not good for a child, it is a terrible thing to make a child feel like an unavoidable addendum. What should you do? Hold on the introduction till you are sure your lover will be ok, I mean totally cool with your kid.
3. Be sure it is a long term relationship: Please and please, I know you are eager to tell your kid ‘meet my girlfriend’, he may even be eager to meet your child, but please, don’t introduce a lover you don’t have plans for to your kid. And sis, till you are sure this man has plans for you, don’t bother bringing him home to meet your child. Let’s be realistic, what if the relationship doesn’t work out and you guys break up? What will you tell your 8-year-old? ‘Aunty Cynthia will no longer be coming here’. Hian! That kid may not ask questions o, but be sure there are loads of questions on his mind, many questions you can’t even imagine.
Oh! You introduced her as your friend and you thought a 10-year-old believed you? ‘Daddy’s other friends doesn’t come to the house all the time, Daddy’s other friends doesn’t enter the kitchen to cook for us, but Aunty Cynthia use to clean the house once in a while, even when daddy was not around, so that means Aunty Cynthia is daddy’s special friend’, you still think you can play on the intelligence of a 10-year-old?
Don’t leave without dropping a comment, I am sure there is something on your mind right now *winks*